chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
