My balls are so social today.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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