Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
