Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize