If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
