new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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