I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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