Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Buhtt sex?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
