My room smells like vodka and shame
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
