No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
