3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
