I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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