Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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