Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
