Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
