You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
