a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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