will power is for people who don't want to get laid
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
