I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
