I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
