he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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