we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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