you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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