Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
