apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
