I wish my penis had an off switch
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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