He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
