You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
so much tequila, so little girl.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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