operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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