True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize