I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
