Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
