Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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