You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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