Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
