ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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