if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The power of my boobs compel you
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
dude. I can hear the air.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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