Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
