You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize