Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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