I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize