I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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