That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
