Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
well I can't set my house on fire every night
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We have so much sex to catch up on
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
