After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
is wine microwaveable?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
