Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
