Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
