i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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