I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
