i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
