does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
