Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
