So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
