grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
