I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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