Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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