You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
