today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
