Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Found the puke drawer
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
