I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
