Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize