There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
it's like iHOP with fire
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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