My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
