just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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