My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
