that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
