I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
