so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
