They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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