I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
