he shaved USA in his pubs
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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