Having a random hookup so left but love u
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
