I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
