guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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