I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
