Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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