Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
