Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
