i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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